


Neutral Practices

by Puddventures



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, F/M, Neutral Practices, Operation Glass Angel, RRM, Refugee Relief Movement, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-05-09
Packaged: 2018-10-29 23:34:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10864455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Puddventures/pseuds/Puddventures
Summary: Dr. Fejaa Hemaal has kriffed up before. Never this badIt's been two years since she left the Alliance to join the Refugee Relief Movement. She wasn't expecting to see Reid on Agamar. She wasn't expecting for all of these memories to resurface... but in this Galaxy, decisions have a funny way of coming back to haunt you.





	1. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A cycle and a half ago Reid came home. He's gotten so much better since then, but there are still things that haunt him.

Reid put his mouth on the inside of her knee, and a bolt of crackling heat hit Fejaa in the spine. She fell back with a smile on her face, throwing a plume of floral sweetness into the air when her head hit the soft pillows. He kissed her again, higher up this time, whiskers tickling her tender skin. She squirmed and he laughed low, voice husked by the whiskey he'd been drinking. Hearing it sent goosebumps down her neck as she looked hazily out the window above the bed. The moon shone through, casting a cool blue light on everything around them. Reid kissed her a third time, higher still, nudging her gently with his nose before putting his mouth on her. Her skin was like velvet, sweet on his lips, still warm from showering. He heard her sigh quietly, then crawled up onto the bed and lay on his back beside her.

The scent of smoke and whiskey filled Fejaa's head with a peppery-sweet scent that made it hard for her to focus. Eventually, she'd lecture him for the cigarettes he'd been chain smoking all evening. Reid, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times... But if she was too tipsy to take herself seriously, Shiraya knew he would be too. She turned to face him, curling into his warmth. He brought his arm up protectively around her shoulders, kissing her on the forehead as she huddled close. "Welcome home, baby" she said, kissing his cheek and tracing a graceful finger along his chest where she saw the straight lines of his tattoos. 

He hoped the thank-you he murmured back was intelligible. Fejaa's breathing deepened as she drifted off to sleep next to him. Carefully, he pulled the covers over them both, and settled back into the bed. He closed his eyes, supremely content with where he was, holding his wife's hand against his chest and listening to the wind swirling outside.

\---

The soft plinking of metal jolts him awake. It was pitch black; the only thing he sensed was metal against metal. It sounded icy in his ear. His heart began to beat wildly in his chest. Not again, not this again he pleaded with no one in particular. Light lanced through the darkness and his eyes stung as they tried to adjust. He felt himself being grabbed and hauled towards the light despite his meager attempts to struggle against the movement.

He crossed the threshold and suddenly someone was pulling him by the hair out of frigid water, his lungs on fire, searching for air. He gulped down oxygen, but seconds later his head was back under the water, held by people he could neither see nor resist.

Not enough air. They hadn’t let him breathe in enough air. His lungs were screaming at him to take in more oxygen, but they held him down. He strained against the hands that held him, struggling to get free of their grip, but they were stronger than him. They were rested and fed and unbroken and he was none of those things. He opened his mouth, choked against the water entering his throat and lungs…

Suddenly his neck was encircled in fire, biting into his throat and making him cough. He still couldn’t breathe, the water had been replaced by a thick black smoke that he felt billowign from his mouth, his nose, his eyes. The fire around his neck began to constrict, tightening around his jugular, squeezing the air out of it slowly, painfully. He felt a bone in his hand snap, then another, but there was no air left for him to cry out in pain...

\---

Reid shot straight up in bed, breathing heavily. He’d broken into a cold sweat. After a few deep breaths, he held his head in his hands, the fear he felt quickly turning into a searing frustration. He glowered and threw the covers off, leaping out of the bed. Fejaa was sitting up now, rubbing her eyes and watching him as he prowled around the large room.  
“I thought I’d handled this!”  
“Reid…”  
“I thought I’d handled this! Why the kriff does it keep coming back?!”  
“Reid.” He stopped pacing long enough to look at her  
“It’s been almost a cycle and a half, why won’t my mind just let me sleep in peace?”  
“You know that’s not how this works,”  
He made and exasperated noise and kept pacing, running both hands through his hair, looking up at the metal ceiling for answers.  
“I- I can’t keep doing this.” He said looking at her again. There was a plea in his eyes, he was begging her to make it stop and she wished there was anything she could do to make it so. “You can’t keep doing this.”  
“You’re getting better, baby.” She said softly “Come here,” He obeyed, sitting on the edge of the bed, head hanging low.  
He looked so defeated. By now, he’d mostly recovered from his stint as an Imperial prisoner of war, but the nightmares persisted, there grip on him unwavering. Some nights were better than others. Some started like this one: a jolt, followed by agitated pacing, frustration, and anguish. Some he couldn’t go back to sleep because he was terrified of what would happen if he closed his eyes again. Those nights she’d get out of bed and make him some tea like she used to when Aisha was really sick. The smell of rominaria and milla helped him breathe a little deeper. In the wee hours he’d finally drift off, fatigue taking over when the adrenaline had worn off.

“One night, Fej, just one night I want us both to sleep through without my karking brain spitting some twisted night terror at me,” she new there were tears pricking at his eyes even though he hid his face. She put a comforting hand on his neck and kissed his temple, the other hand resting on his forearm.  
“I’m sorry I’m still so broken,” he said quietly.  
“Stop that. You know that’s not what I think.” He did, of course he did. The tension in his neck and shoulders eased when he felt her rest her head on his shoulder. He closed his eyes as exhaustion settled in, swaying a little bit when he felt the rest of his muscles uncoil. Fej nudged him and they both lay back down in the bed. He wrapped his arms around her waist, underneath her sweater,  
and buried his face into her hair. He breathed her in deeply, and a moment later he was asleep  
once more.


	2. Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The heating system on Cypher Base has been malfunctioning for a few hours...

Reid watches as Fejaa's head rolled back, perfect mouth falling open. The hands on his sweaty chest slipped as they scrambled to keep purchase, before curling around his shoulders, and sliding up his neck. Fej’s manicured nails dug into his skin, and her chest heaved as she gasped for air. He put his mouth on her shoulder, collecting sweat, then suckled the soft skin on her neck. He could feel her breath, short and hot in his hair as he slid his fingers out, smiling against her skin when she moaned quietly.  
“Reid… stop it,” she couldn’t look at him, knew how compromised she must seem.  
“Stop what?”  
“Stop -- ah… Stop teasing me,”  
“But I’ve got you all night, baby” He was going to draw this out, as long as he could. Seeing her like this was a delight; so close to the edge but not close enough, practically writhing to get even an inch further. 

He couldn't help the groan that escaped his lips when he finally slid slowly inside her. The sweat on her skin sparkled in the moonlight, and air escaped her lungs as if it is the only way to make room for him. He moved her hips gently, driving deeper as he tilts them up. She rewards him with a choked cry, fixed him with her clear silver eyes. There’s a piteous hunger in them that runs a shiver up his spine and widens the wicked grin on his face. She bit her bottom lip, trying to stifle her whining, with little success. 

He leans in and kissed her nose, the slight movement making her eyes go hazy and unfocused. Her knees are digging into his sides, squeezing him, trying to bring him closer to her.  
“Please…” He feels something twitch then tighten in the pit of his stomach when she begs “Please, baby”  
He growls mockingly into her ear “You need to tell me what you want, Fejaa. You know I can’t read your mind,”  
“Ah-- I….”  
“Say it, baby” he was breathless too, now. Reaching the limit of his control.  
“Fuck me,”  
“Louder, baby”  
The arms around his neck tug him, closer and she speaks into his ear. “Fuck… me...”  
He did what he was told. 

Looping an arm underneath one of Fej’s legs and holding fast to the back of the couch, he eased out of her, then back in. Reid sets a rhythm as her breathing huffs erratically in his ear. He can feel every sinew straining to keep pace, felt hers straining against them. She grows breathless the closer she gets, tightens her body around his, breath hitching as she grows light headed, until she is bucking into him, pressing her chest into his and trying to allow as much of him in as she could. 

Reid's mind was foggy, filled with her soft sounds as it was. Fejaa’s movements begin to slow, unable to catch her breath enough to keep pace, and he grows frustrated. He grabs her by the waist, and in one swift motion they switched places. He pulls her onto him and she steadied herself with hands on his shoulders before rocking into him, catching up. Ah, kriff… 

She was beautiful. The light pouring through the window illuminating her, making her seem transcendent, ethereal. She rode him hard, lavender hair bouncing in time. She giggled as she rutted against him, arching her neck before whimpering his name as she climaxed. He pushed into her a final time, and it all became too much. Burying his face into her chest, he snarls his release, shooting into her as he holds her hips firmly in place. The tension in their muscles reaches its peak, then unravels abruptly. She collapsed onto him, both of them trying desperately to catch their breath. 

\---

They both groan as Fejaa eased off of him. She snuggled against him comfortably, resting her head on his shoulder. She plays with his dog tags, smiling weakly when they chime together. Reid thumbs some of the sweat off her eyebrow and kissed her forehead. The heater had finally stopped, and the temperature was dropping rapidly in their room. He'd carry her to the bed when she began to shiver, covering them both in soft, thick potolli fur. For now, he was content stroking her sweat soaked hair out of her face, as she dozed off in his arms, her shoulders rising and falling with her steady breathing.


	3. The Imp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Disillusionment is a bitch

Fejaa closed the door to the medicine cabinet and looked at her reflection in the mirror. It was immediately obvious that something was troubling her. She thought back to two days prior, chewing on her knuckle. 

They’d been inundated by a MASCAL Incident, so the emergency room was ordered chaos. She recalled one patient in particular: Male, 1.8 meters tall, around 220 pounds, mostly muscle. Uniform indiscernible from the amount of scorching and blood that covered it so she couldn’t tell if he was an officer or a grunt. Broken femur, compound fracture. Head trauma, likely shrapnel damage, possible concussion. 

She had gotten to work without a second thought. She was clearing viscera from around the head wound to better assess the damage when the medic working with her froze, looking at the patients in horror. It took her a second to see it, but there it was, inked into his neck: Imperial gears. She kept working on the wound, and barked at the assisting medic to continue with the fracture. They had hesitated, then continued working. 

It wasn’t until after the MASCAL that she had time to think about what happened. She didn’t have much time to sort through it, either; the medic had reported it to base Commander Zendu before she’d even had a chance to go home and rest. Fejaa made a mental note to review reporting hierarchy with her immediate staff. 

She wrapped a towel around herself and stepped out of the refresher, glancing at the digital display above the bed. 0400 She had half an hour before she needed to be back at Med-bay to discuss what to do with the Imp. She got dressed quickly, tying her long lavender colored hair into a bun on top of her head. A final check in the mirror, then she left the unit, shrugging on her lab coat as she walked.

\---

If you were to ask any of the medical staff on Cypher Base what they thought of Dr. Fejaa Haldani, you’d get one of two words: focused or terrifying. She was fiercely loyal to the medics and nurses that had her trust, and was genuinely interested in bolstering the careers of her staff. Even so, Fejaa had no tolerance for medics that foundered when lives were on the line, nor did she appreciate the bureaucratic nonsense that often came with patient care.

Fej spotted the medic that had reported the Imperial walk into the admin office. “E-evening Dr. Haldani!” The medic stood up and saluted her as she came in and sat down next to him. “At ease Mereel, save it for Zendu” The medic sat down without another word.

After about ten minutes of waiting, Commander Ori Zendu walked in and sat behind the desk. Fejaa stayed seated as he entered, but the medic popped back up into a salute and issued a gushing “Sir!” She resisted the urge to roll her eyes, opting to cross her arms over her chest instead.

“Dr. Haldani,” he said, nodding respectfully in her direction. “At ease kid, you’re not in any trouble. 

As I’m sure you both know, Mereel here brought to my attention that we’ve admitted and treated an enemy combatant,” He paused and looked at Fejaa briefly “Given the situation is what it is, the General and myself have decided it’s best we take the Imperial into custody effective immediately.  
We both believe he may know information vital to our efforts in snuffing out Imperial influence in this corner of the Galaxy, and it’s vital we extract it before he has a chance to-”  
“No.” Fejaa was stunned initially, but her surprise swiftly turned to anger. Heat prickled in her ears and at the back of her neck.  
“Dr. Haldani, it’s not a debate-”  
“I don’t care, Zendu. He’s still in critical condition and needs continued medic-”  
“We’re not wasting more Alliance resources on the enemy, Fejaa. We’re taking him in for an interrogation”  
“He’s not going to survive one of your interrogations, Ori. What you’re proposing is essentially a war crime,” She was fuming now. He’d purposefully gone over her head and talked to the General directly. He’d done it before, but this was unforgivable. He would gladly see the man die in his custody, and she would not allow that. 

From where she sat, half of the trauma cases that came through Fejaa’s door were because Ori had been careless or overly zealous with his men. More than once, she’d lost her temper when Reid told her about assignments. Ori’s judgement was frequently compromised because his attachment to the Rebel cause bordered on fanaticism. He was going to kill her patient before they’d even had a chance at coherency, but because he had the General’s ear, she would be able to explain next to none of this. “This meeting wasn’t called for us to deliberate about what should be done” Ori said cooly “The decision has already been made. I’m simply notifying you that we are requisitioning your patient. The matter is closed.” 

The medic sitting next to Fejaa sat rigid. As scared as they had been of her, they were even more terrified of the Cypher Base commander. Seeing two high ranking officers interact in this way was almost too much for them to handle. “You don’t have jurisdiction in my Med-bay Zen-” Fejaa stood up suddenly, realizing what he meant. “Over my dead body, Ori,” she snarled, then stormed out of the office towards the Intensive Care Ward. He was out of the office in a flash, right behind her.

\---

At the far end of the large room she saw two grunts and a medic arguing over one of the patient beds. She double timed it down the aisle, “What the karking hell do you think you’re doing” she said, then took a step back. 

She was looking at Reid square in the stupid kriffing face. “Fej…”  
“Dr. Haldani, you don’t have the authority to give my men orders, regardless of your marital status” Ori sneered as he walked up, and she shot him a dark look “Take him downstairs boys”  
“Ori you can’t do this” Despite herself, a knife’s edge of distress found its way into her voice. She saw Reid wince out of the corner of her eye; he’d heard it too. She turned to face Ori “He can’t even stand on his right leg, at least let us get a stretcher to take him down in. Let one of my staff accompany you,”  
“No dice, I’m afraid. Like I said before doctor, we’re not wasting additional resources on the enemy”  
“This is insanity!” She was yelling now “This man is going to die without the basic care that we are fully equipped to give plenty of, just because you want to teach the Empire a lesson! They’re not even listening Ori! He’s as good as dead to them. Why does it matter?” He just stood there, unmoved by what she said.

She turned to her husband “This man could have a family, Reid. Questioning him is going to kill him before he gets a single word out. There is no point to any of this!” She could feel tears stinging her eyes, and her heart was hammering in her chest. Reid looked at her helplessly “Baby I-”  
“He’s a soldier, Dr. Haldani, and this is war. Soldiers die all the time. He, and this family you’ve imagined were prepared for that reality before he even shipped out. Now get out of the way.”  
“No. I will not.” Fejaa looked Ori straight in the eye, daring him to move her himself. 

He didn’t have to. 

Reid was next to her now a hand on her shoulder. “This is wrong,” she nearly whispered it to him when she felt him near her. “Fej…” he said softly. “let it go.” She looked at him in shock, but he couldn’t meet her eyes. Her throat tightened and she felt rooted to the spot. “Dr. Haldani… I can help… take him down” The attending medic offered, cutting through her disbelief for just a second, expression grave. She looked away from Reid and gave the medic an almost imperceptible nod. She couldn’t believe what was happening.

The medic helped their patient out of the cot and supported him on one side. The remaining grunt took up the other side and the three of them to walk slowly down the aisle. “Cyril, take our man down to Cell-1A. Double time it soldier, we’ve got work to do” Ori turned heel and walked out as well. Fejaa continued to stand there in shocked silence. Seconds that felt like an eternity ticked by before Reid began to speak.

“Don’t.” she hissed, cutting him off before he could say anything. She was blinking back tears now “Don’t you stand there and justify any of this to me, Reid,” She gritted her teeth as she spoke, then looked up at the ceiling, trying to control herself. She shrugged off his hand and walked away, leaving Reid standing alone in the middle of the now desolate ward.

\---


	4. Night Terrors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been two years since he's seen her...

Reid catches a sob at the back of his throat as the scent of Milla flowers surrounds him completely. It had been so, so long since he'd held Fejaa like this. His fingertips and the arches of his feet all suddenly courses with electricity. Where her hands touch him it feel like cold fire. The moment she sat down next to him in the caff shop, the need he had locked away became all at once impossible to ignore. She looked older, more tired than he remembered, but she smelled the same. Her hands were still satin in his. The crook of her neck still silk on his nose as he burrows his face into it and breathes her in. Nothing, not a karking thing in the entire universe, could ever come close to intoxicating him the way she did.

She feels the roughness of his mouth on her neck and her knees buckle. He expects it, and holds her gently against the wall. Air escapes her chest, lungs feeling as if they would cave in. The ability to think completely vanishes, the only thing left is a desperation to feel more of him around her. She wove her fingers through his thick hair, then pulls at it gently. The low rumble of a groan escaping his throat vibrates against her, and her nerves erupt. Reid… it’s more a whimper than a whisper in her mind I'm here he said low into her ear. Did she speak? Her ears burn fiercely as he kisses them, then her cheek, then her nose, his forehead touching hers. She looks down at nothing, listening to him as their hot breath mingles between them.

Her hands were on his chest, long graceful fingers slowly hooking around the collar of his shirt, drawing him in. His hands held her waist, and began to slide up to her ribs slowly, deliberately. He could feel a tightness in his chest coiling, blood rushing into his ears as her mouth hovers just short of his for a breathless second… and then she is kissing him. Hungrily, openly, Fejaa kisses him as if her life depends on it. Reid feels something in his heart shift, then crack like ice. He cups her face with his hands, thumbs stroking her cheekbones. He moves his hips into hers, then shruggs off his jacket, not breaking away.

He began to push the hem of her dress up, then ran a hot hand underneath the fabric and up her thigh. He tightens his grip on Fejaa slightly, coaxing sounds from her that she hadn't made for a long time. That she’d gone two cycles without so much as touching him seems impossible to her now. She began tugging at his collar with increased urgency. He pauses to discard the shirt onto the ground of the alley and undo the belt around his waist. He swiftly pulls her hem up to her belly, lust clouding his mind as the rough edges of his knuckles grazes her sides. He tore into one of the lace panels of her briefs, then pulles hard, destroying the garment. She pushes what remains off, letting it fall to the ground without a second thought.

Fejaa wraps her arms around the taut muscles in his neck, snaking a hand into his hair once more. She held him tightly as he picks her up with ease, then pushes against the course brick behind her. She mewls into the crook of his neck as he slid into her, head falling back against the wall as he starts to rut against her, fingers digging into her hips

She feels teeth bite into her shoulder, his breathing growing ragged with each thrust. She gasps for air, trying to say his name with no success, fingernails cutting into the base of his neck. Failing coherence, she cries out instead, prompting Reid to clamp a hand tightly over her mouth. Reid growls for her to stay quiet, then bit down on the helix of her ear. She obeys, though he could feel her whining against the palm of his hand. Kriff, Fej… he couldn’t form the thought wholly, not now. Later, on his way back to his camp, he’d remember how much he missed seeing her like this. Someone usually so composed becoming so utterly undone because of him, because of what he is doing to her. 

Fejaa’s is struggling to breathe now. He releases the grip he had on her mouth to make it easier for her, moving it to the wall behind her for support. She drew in short shallow breaths Reid, I… her breathing is halted, her grip on him tightening. He knows how close she is. A wicked thought crosses his mind, and he slows the pace he’d set for them. The change elicits a pathetic cry of dissention that he cut short by fucking into her hard, filling her completely. It’s enough to send her over the edge. She arches her back off the wall, her thighs pressing hard against him. She clencheS around him, hips rocking against his. 

After a moment of mindless rapture, her thoughts clears just enough to see him punished for his taunting. With a handful of hair, she yanks his head back so he is looking at the stars. He snarls as she nips lightly at his jaw, then let go of him completely, saying softly in his ear Cum inside me, baby. Reid hisses loudly and did exactly what he is told. He dives into her a final time, his muscles screaming, white-hot. His jaw clenches as he shoots into her; it takes all his strength not to crush her against the wall when he is spent. 

They didn’t move for a long time, staying in place and just listening to each other’s hard breathing. Sweat mattes Fejaa’s brightly colored hair to the sides of her face and the back of her neck. Reid kisses her sweetly on the forehead, then on the bite mark he’d left on her shoulder. She traces her fingers over the tattoos that cover his arms, the topography of the patterns there still familiar to her. Neither of them quite willing to let the other go. 

\---

A while later, Fejaa is back in her quarters at the field hospital. She curls into an armchair by the window, freshly showered. She plays with her wedding ring, lost in thought. For the past two years, she assumed she had a decent handle on her reasons for leaving, but now… now things weren’t so clear. She thought about Reid, how rudderless she feels without him and held back tears as she wonders if she might have made a colossal mistake.


End file.
